Check out my husband's new website!

He finally did it! I have felt for years that Rodney should put up a website and he has been working diligently on it and it is now out there on the www. I worked with him on developing some of his graphics, logo, and as his content editor. I certainly could not write the content since the last thing I am is a CPA! It is a huge and amazing site. The only thing he has not written is an "about me" page. You know the old joke about CPA's. They are generally introverted and talk to you while looking at their own shoes. Not him! When he talks to you, he looks at YOUR shoes! So, I feel it is my duty to continue to harass him until he completes an "about me" page as he does have many hobbies and interests and collections that I think people would find quite interesting!

THE MASSACRE AT VIRGINIA TECH

Having spent many years as a college faculty member, and also having a daughter who lived on campus when she was in college, violence on college campuses has always been a particular concern of mine. I have read several books that discuss college campus violence, security measures, security systems, faculty training, and all other aspects of minimizing possible violence. There appear to be two questions that the media are focused on at this point. First, could more have been done to prevent this from happening? And second, did the university act appropriately after the first incident occurred early that morning?

With a student population of 26,000 plus a faculty and staff of another 10,000 people, there is bound to be violence. Comparing this to a city of this size, even the largest, best trained, and efficient police department could never have stopped this event from occurring. When a disturbed person like 23 year old Cho Seung-Hui decides to go on a killing rampage and can carry everything he needs in a backpack, how can this be prevented? We live in an uncertain world. This type of violence can happen anywhere, at anytime, for any reason. Have we come to the point that we need gun detectors on EVERY SINGLE BUILDING in the United States? And even if we did that, a disturbed person can open fire outside anywhere at any time. We saw this with the Tulsa shootings from an overpass on a turnpike. How can those types of incidents be stopped? They can only be stopped after there are deaths and the police can finally track them down and arrest them. It is impossible to watch and regulate 3 million people, 24/7.

However, this particular student should have been on a watch list. He was a senior and an English major. His writings in his Creative Writing class were so disturbing that his teacher turned them over to the counseling department. So was he being watched? The teacher obviously saw him as dangerous. Having taught Creative Writing for years, I have seen some disturbing writings, but never anything that indicated a psychopathic personality or I would have done the same as his teacher did. As this story continues to unravel, there may be many factors that will come to light that will help explain why he did what he did, although that will be of absolutely no comfort to the families of the victims. America is a violent nation. It always has been, and a study of our history clearly indicates exactly how violent we are as a people. I wish I had an answer to this problem, but I simply don’t. My concern is that we will give up yet more of our own personal freedoms in our desperation to be “safe” in an unsafe world. I do not believe it is possible to prevent everything that can happen in the modern world.

Regarding the Virginia Tech’s response to the events, I must say that I am very disappointed. From the moment of the first shooting at 7 am, the entire campus should have been on lockdown and all students notified to stay where they were, with doors locked. Security and police should have been immediately brought in – full force, and I also believe that this delay resulted in the mass murder that ensued. When the shootings occurred at the Fort Gibson School in Fort Gibson, Oklahoma, I was teaching at a college campus about 4 miles away and even though this had not occurred on our campus, we immediately went into lockdown mode. Virginia Tech administration should have assumed the worst – that there could be more than one killer on campus. Had they not learned anything from the Columbine school shooting? How could they possibly make the decision that it was an isolated incident? They keep saying that they were acting on what limited information they had at that time. Well, that is exactly my point. They did not have enough information and it is better to be safe than sorry. Lock down the campus and figure it out later is much better than allowing innocent people to continue about their day, believing that they were being protected by the security measures in place at their school. I believe in the days and weeks to come that their responsibility for making a very bad judgment call will haunt them. Personally, if I had a child going to school there, I would pull them out of that college based on this incident alone.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims of this horrible tragedy.

The Red Hatters Party at my Getaway!

If you don't know what The Red Hat Ladies Club is, then you don't know about women over 50 who know how to have a good time! 7 Red Hatters and 2 Pink Hatters (under 50) just spent a few days at my lakeview getaway house. They are on the go ALL THE TIME! I don't see where they get the energy, but they certainly have it. I don't know the ages of the pink hatters, but the oldest of my guests was 86. I worried about them on Friday night. I waited up until 1:30 am before they showed back up! And the next morning, they were up and at it again! These are amazing women with tons of energy who know how to enjoy life to the fullest. Come to find out, they nearly got kicked out of Denny's at midnight because they were so rowdy! What a great bunch of women and by the way, Vanda, my dad is already taken!

Way too many irons in the Fire!

Okay, I will admit it. I have WAY too many irons in the fire! I don't even meet myself coming or going. A bit of advice here....never start two major new businesses at exactly the same time. Or, let me put it another way - know your limits. No one handed me more than 24 hours in the day, but I do have that tendency of biting off a bit more than I can chew! My schedule book is almost impossible for me to keep up with. I do not have a clone.

Here's the thing. I moved way out here in the country on the lake to RELAX. I taught full-time at a community college. Then I started also teaching for the University of Phoenix. All I did was teach, drive, grade and do prep. I had no life. So, without going into details as to why I quit my full-time job (that's one heck of a soap opera in itself!), I thought I would have more "free" time to take on some projects I had wanted to do for a long time. And I did. I just should have done them one at a time.

For those of you old enough, "Calgon! Take me away." If you didn't get that, you are not a baby boomer.

Dead Beat Dads

Dead beat dads. Who needs them? THEIR CHILDREN. I have personally not received a dime in child support from my children's biological father (or as they now call him - the sperm donor) since 1987. I was lucky. I was educated and I married a wonderful man who became the man they call "dad" and love dearly. Not all women are as lucky. So, does that let him off the hook? NO.

Sometimes they don't pay because they can't seem to hold down jobs, are alcoholics, drug addicts, in prison, or are just plain losers. But some, who own their own businesses, like mine does, CHOOSE not to pay in an effort to punish the mother - their ex-wife. What they don't realize, or if they do, they just don't care, is that who it hurts the most is the children. The children deal with severe abandonment issues that carry into adulthood. The children see it as a rejection of them, personally. Even though I have told mine time and again that it is not their fault, that he is trying to punish me and not them, and that it does not necessarily mean he does not love them (somehow in his own way - okay, I am doing my best to give him the benefit of the doubt here), but none of that matters to the children. They still take it as a personal rejection from their father. My children are adults now - 26 and 30 years old, and neither of them have yet married and are both very leary of marriage and I do believe a great part of that has to do with the emotional scars caused by their dead beat dad.

On the other hand, my husband of the past 17 years has a son who he always paid his child support for, exercised ALL his visitation rights, and has kept a good relationship with his son throughout the years. This son is now 25, happily married, and has none of the abandonment issues that my children have dealt with since they were 4 and 8 years old. The difference a father makes in the life of a child is tremendous. Anyone who thinks that as long as they have a mother they will be just fine is wrong. Sure, there are exceptions to this, but I have learned over the years how very critical the relationship between father and child is to the development of the personality of all children. When I was a single mom, I had to be both mom and dad and it was hard. I don't know how we made it through those times, but we did. I am very close to my children and I actually pity my ex because he has really missed out and that time can never be recovered. Their childhood is long gone and they now live their own lives and he has no place in it. I could not imagine my life without my children in it.

So, if the intent to punish the mother was the reason for non-payment, it worked. I have been punished for over 20 years now by the sadness and abandonment that they have felt because of him. Nothing hurts a mother more than seeing her children hurt. We made it without him, but he still has an obligation to fulfill his debt and that never goes away. What I wonder most about dead beat dads is this: how do they sleep at night? I am very maternal. I cannot even imagine going through life NEVER seeing my children, not knowing who they are as people, not spending time with them, never knowing if they are hurt, dead or alive, not getting that hug and kiss or that call asking for advice or telling me some exciting news.

No Christmas or birthday cards or presents for all those years. No requests to see them or expressing any interest in seeing them. Moving around to avoid my attempts to collect child support must have been very expensive and tiring! When my kids turned 18, I told them that as long as I had their biological dad's address and phone number that any time they wanted to contact him, all they had to do was ask. I encouraged it. I thought it could help heal the scars they carry with them. But they have a dad who has raised them and loved them and been there for then through the good times and the bad times, and they pretty much say to me about their "sperm donor" the following: "I don't even KNOW him. Why would I want to have contact with him?" Although I can understand and respect their feelings, there is still a part of me that believes that if there was a chance of reconciliation, that they could heal the scars he caused by stabbing that knife of abandonment deep into the core of their very being. In other words, I would like them to have the opportunity to FORGIVE him in their hearts so that they could feel better in THEIR hearts. Unfortunately, neither of them has the slightest interest in him at all. Now that they are adults, there is simply nothing that I can do about that. They now make all their own decisions in life.

Their careers, their friends, their sense of humor, their interactions with each other, their dreams, philosophy of life, their beliefs, their accomplishments and failures - everything that goes with the raising of children, he has missed. He does not know them as people at all.

Dad beat dads miss ALL that and more. The children of dead beat dads eventually stop loving that missing parent, or go even further, and grow to hate him. That is not good for them either. Hatred in the heart hurts THEM - not the dead beat dad. He doesn't care.

Dead beat dads are the most pitiful of creatures. In the end, they hurt not only their children, but themselves as well. I can sleep at night because I have ALWAYS been there for my children. I wonder if he can? I wonder HOW he can...

Click on the dead beat dads label under this post to see how you can find that dead beat dad and hold him responsible for his obligations to his children.

Scarlett Johansson -Speed Painting - this blew my mind!

I am in the middle of re-creating my blog!

Those of you who have been here before may have noticed that things are missing or different. That is simply because I ACCIDENTALLY deleted my entire blog. Fortunately, my friend, Lesbianca, who had been helping me learn how to do this, and who knows me quite well, had just so happened to have saved all my postings in March. So, because of her, I was able to retrieve them. Anything I wrote after April 1, however, is gone, gone, gone. I know, for example, that I had posted one day about how Lesbianca, once my student, had now become my teacher. After this debacle, she saved some postings that I was particularly upset to have lost. To her, I am very grateful. She is awesome! So....here I go again. Trying to get it back as much as I can the way I had it before, but some things are lost forever. However, to borrow a cliche - when one door closes, another one opens. I bet I don't delete it again!

Finding Gutenberg - I love dumb successful people! Edison lived from 1847-1931. Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1450.

What has happened to Americans?

What has happened to America? Or, more specifically, what has happened to Americans?

The preamble to our Constitution states that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Would someone explain to me how so many Americans die due to lack of medical care while illegal immigrants get it free? Why can’t we have a national healthcare system? Would someone explain to me who changed the definition of liberty? We are a country of “NO’S.” No smoking, no loitering, no trans fats in any foods in New York and soon it will be nationwide. “No, no, no” has become our national anthem. What’s next? Try to order a dessert at a restaurant and they make you step up on a scale first to determine if you are ALLOWED to have it? After all, obesity is a huge problem in this country and costs us so much in healthcare just like tobacco does. As time passes, rules keep being made by whoever “they” are. Like little ants, we all blindly follow the leader. Will we follow him to our own doom? If they stick their head in the oven, will we do that too?

And happiness. What is that? The pursuit of happiness comes with a set of rules that I cannot begin to fathom. Happiness is allowed only if you conform to some accepted national standard of behavior and anyone who steps out of that little box is labeled odd, or gay, or the wrong color, and persecuted and, therefore, denied their pursuit of happiness.And then, of course, there are those political and religious agendas. Everyone seems to have one. Unfortunately, they all seem to want to share theirs with me when I never asked for them in the first place.

One of our rights, as Americans, is freedom of religion. I never tell people what to believe or if I agree with their religious beliefs because, as an American citizen, I recognize that freedom and respect it. However, other “so-called” Americans do not seem to understand this concept and preach to me how they are right and everyone else is wrong and if I don’t believe it, then I am going straight to hell. Well, I guess I will have a great deal of company if that is true. I have lost track of the hundreds of religious denominations and cults out there. Or could they all be right?Many people deny other people their American rights based on their personal religious beliefs which is, if you think about it, a direct violation of the United States Constitution. If there is freedom of religion, doesn’t it apply to ALL Americans? I know the Constitution pretty well, and I have yet to see anything in it that states that any particular religion has dominion over another in the United States or that it should even be a factor in the governing laws of the land.

One of the great beauties of a democracy is the ability to vote. I am a voter. I research before I vote. I don’t vote a particular party – I vote the candidate on the issues. I am also really tired of the political propaganda – doesn’t matter which party – that clogs my inbox, whether it is from strangers or family members. The thing is that these emails are rampant with incongruities, lies, distortions, illogical reasoning, emotional or logical fallacies, misinterpreted statistics, or are just downright stupid.Isn’t it bad enough that the Internet loads our inboxes with a variety of sex ads, medications, the same tired, old email jokes that we have gotten hundreds of times, the get rich quick schemes, etc… without us also being assaulted by our own friends and relatives with their forwards on religious and political propaganda? If I pulled one hair out for each one of these that I receive, I would be totally bald by now.

I have a very simple political agenda (throw out the two party system and vote in a SMART party of the most brilliant minds in all areas of our knowledge base) and a religious belief which I won’t be sending out in a mass email to everyone in my address book. Perhaps NOT sending out my own personal religious and political beliefs could start a trend of others NOT doing it either.That’s just my opinion and I could be wrong, but this is MY blog, so I get to say what I want!

Thank God we still have freedom of speech. Oh wait. I forgot. “They” are trying to take that away too

Jason L. Miller states it so well!

Jason Miller, writer for Webpro News, wrote in his insider report yesterday on what he called Marketing to Madness, the following:

The problem with the human condition is that it involves humans. Bringing that condition online, fostering it with the Wisdom of Crowds philosophy, is slowly but surely proving what philosophers have said since humans first learned to write: the anonymous mob is powerful and passionate, but no more rational than an angry swarm of bees.

Jason, I have to agree with you.

Good news - bad news

Well, the good news is that a former student of mine just called me to tell me he would be the chef at a new upscale restaurant on Fort Gibson Lake. He even invited me and Rodney for a free meal on opening day. Very sweet guy. But here is the bad news. Having considered this since 1999, I finally decide, after much research, that there is simply not enough lodging on this lake for the amount of people who come. Too many end up in hotels in the surrounding towns and driving with their boats back and forth every day.So....I spend a few thousand dollars fixing up a 1600 sq ft house with lake view and I am ready to open and have my first customers coming on April 13. This student informs me that this restaurant is 10,000 sq ft and there will be dozens of upscale cabins and rentals with several swimming pools, hot tubs, fitness center, etc... How can I compete with that? I can offer seclusion and an entire home for their use, but not any of the other amenities that they will have. I do believe in healthy competition, but I don't think I can compete with a 400 acre resort complex that close to me. What's an entrepreneur to do?
Posted by Gayla of Gayla's Garden at 8:26 PM 1 comments

How can my child be 30 years old?

What a wakeup call for me. My son turned 30 years old and it seems to me that I was just 30 about five minutes ago. How does time fly that quickly? Yesterday, it seems, I was running kids to various activities, or looking for better daycare. In the blink of an eye, so it seems, I realized that my nest has been empty for 8 years now. Doesn't seem like it at all. My days still seem super busy although I only work part time teaching for the University of Phoenix in Tulsa. How did I cope with the old empty nest syndrome? Diversification! I also own a lake vacation rental and am in the process of opening an online store for interior decorating. I also have totally revamped my website recently, and have many new pages in the works. I can stay on the computer all day and night. I have to admit that I never paid much attention to blogs until my friend, Lesbianca, started her blog and I have been reading it for the past two years. Hers is really nice looking and I will be hitting her up for advice real soon to make mine better. Until I have something worth saying, I will sign off with just this - take time to smell the roses. Time flys. You have a baby and then you wake up and he is a 30 year old man - and I never knew 30 years could go so swiftly by.